“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.” — Anne Lamott
I stole this quote from an interesting blog that I like to read occassionally - Eat, Pray, Run.
3.09.2009
3.04.2009
tbc
To be continued...like, soon.
I have goals, and feel the need to blog about them...
Life is good ;)
I have goals, and feel the need to blog about them...
Life is good ;)
5.05.2008
pocket full of sunshine
Kinda lost my grip on this whole blog thing. Been a busy few months, I guess?
I am a little disappointed in how this blog turned out - I had extremely high hopes for using this blog as a tool to bring awareness to Tinnitus. I had some really grandiose plans for several hundred posts laced with the most thought-provoking, inspirational messages that you'd ever hope to find on the web.
What I have found is that it is very difficult to find information on a largely misunderstood medical condition, and then regurgitate it in such a way that it translates both interestingly and simply enough to be understood and interpreted properly by someone who has never heard of the disease.
My posts on tinnitus trailed off early in this project, but my running has not. I run the ING Marathon in Ottawa in a little less than three weeks and I can say with a certain degree of confidence that I am ready. My longest runs are behind me, and now I'm moving into the part of my training program that is going to allow me to cut back on my mileage a bit. Have I been completely committed to the training program? Probably not. I missed some runs. I skipped out on some distance periodically. I had that extra drink, occasionally. But honestly, looking back at the last six months (almost) since I decided to undertake this 'thing', this marathon thing, it really has taken on a life of its own. I didn't realize it until now, but I've made some sacrifices recently, and in doing so, I've gained so much and lost so little.
Things I've lost from my training:
I am a little disappointed in how this blog turned out - I had extremely high hopes for using this blog as a tool to bring awareness to Tinnitus. I had some really grandiose plans for several hundred posts laced with the most thought-provoking, inspirational messages that you'd ever hope to find on the web.
What I have found is that it is very difficult to find information on a largely misunderstood medical condition, and then regurgitate it in such a way that it translates both interestingly and simply enough to be understood and interpreted properly by someone who has never heard of the disease.
My posts on tinnitus trailed off early in this project, but my running has not. I run the ING Marathon in Ottawa in a little less than three weeks and I can say with a certain degree of confidence that I am ready. My longest runs are behind me, and now I'm moving into the part of my training program that is going to allow me to cut back on my mileage a bit. Have I been completely committed to the training program? Probably not. I missed some runs. I skipped out on some distance periodically. I had that extra drink, occasionally. But honestly, looking back at the last six months (almost) since I decided to undertake this 'thing', this marathon thing, it really has taken on a life of its own. I didn't realize it until now, but I've made some sacrifices recently, and in doing so, I've gained so much and lost so little.
Things I've lost from my training:
- the spare tire around my midsection (Well, some of it)
- my saddle bags (see brackets, above)
- the feeling in my second toe (on both feet)
- two toe nails, and several layers of skin from my feet
- I have no medical evidence to support this one, but I'm guessing there is less cartilage in my knees today than there was six months ago.
- THE CHARGER FOR MY DAMN iPOD!!!
- my obsession for the sounds of Pearl Jam. Seriously you can only listen to Evenflow, Black and Alive so many times...
- my desire to sit in front of the television, eating bon bons and slurping iced cappuccinos. 'Can't. Sit. Still. Must. Train.'
- a curious yearning to bring each week to an end by consuming a minimum of one litre of wine (or any other spirit, really)
- any form of vanity when leaving the comfort of my home to run in a public place. There is no longer any requirement for a last minute 'check' in the mirror to make sure the hair is in place. That hair? It's secured nicely under the tightest headband I can get my hands on.
- my fear of snow/sleet/hail/cold air.
- self-doubt
- fear of failure
Things I've gained from my training:
- blisters the size of grapefruits UNDER my toes. (I'm not even joking)
- an inexplicable clicking sensation in my right hip.
- a bit more muscle tone than this body has ever seen.
- an appreciation for the work and dedication that serious athletes put into their sports.
- an understanding of the importance of setting and meeting goals (this one makes me cry a bit)
- an insatiable appetite
- an understanding of the runner's vocabulary - I know what words like negative splits, gels, intervals, and fartleks mean. (Don't ask me about the last one. Google it, if you want to know)
- I used to hear of how people became obsessed by running. That if they didn't run, they didn't feel themselves, or felt an intense pang of guilt. I now understand that obsession. I own it.
- a knowledge that after years of silently standing by, while my father calmly lived his own private hell, that he is now aware of how much I wished I could have done something for him. While this blog wasn't a total success, I know that some people learned some things, some people related, and some people empathized and sympathized. In that sense, this has been a success. The success lies in his new understanding that he's not alone, as I know he thought he was for so many years.
In closing, I want to thank those of you who wrote to me, telling me you were reading here, checking in and updating yourselves. The gratitude that I feel cannot be translated into words, but I hope you'll understand what it means to me. Thanks once again.
To wrap this whole thing up, I'll post a race report after I complete the marathon.
3.10.2008
there's no backing out now
It's officially Official (Yes you are correct. That is a capital 'O').Today I registered for the ING Ottawa Marathon. And so now, barring any unforeseen circumstances - injury, illness, mental breakdown (don't laugh, it's a real possibility) - I will be completing my training, and I will be running 26.2 miles (that is 42.2 kilometers, fellow Canadians!)
When you ask? When will this event take place? In eleven short weeks, on May 25!
I've been doing alot of talking.
'I've got lots of work to do', I inform my friends who ask me how my training is going.
'I ran 16 miles yesterday', I notify my co-workers over coffee on Monday morning in our employee 'lounge'.
'I got a hot new running skirt', I report to my girlfriends over cocktails.
The reality is that I have been naively plugging away at my training schedule, not giving much thought to the inevitable finale to this little party I've been planning. I've brought a wee bit of publicity to this situation, what with the whole blog thing, and the Facebook Group, and the talking and stuff.
The gravity of the situation became apparent to me at approximately 9.36am this morning when I received my confirmation email from ING:
Please print this email as confirmation of your entry.
Michelle Dykstra is now Registered for: ING Ottawa Marathon
There were some other words on that email that I'm sure are equally important, and I shall revisit that at a later date. But it's that last sentence that sort of reached out and grabbed me by the aorta. I am registered for the ING Ottawa Marathon.
Not that I ever lost sight of what I started here. You can ask anyone who's close to me - I'm as committed today as I was back in November to completing the marathon. And I'm still hopeful that people are reading this blog (as sporadic as the posting may be) and learning about Tinnitus. In fact, I may be even more committed now that I've received the confirmation that someone may be expecting to see my face at the Registration Table on race day.
Today I feel a renewed sense of determination. I began this project to raise awareness for Tinnitus, and I intend on completing it to the best of my ability. It's true, I've been a little under the weather lately, and my mileage has suffered a bit. But tomorrow I intend to get back outside and brave the elements once again.
I'm sure I felt the universe jolt just now, like it's realigning itself. It's like all the negativity that has been plaguing this blog is trying to dislodge itself and replace itself with happy, optimistic, marathon-is-tic energy. Did you feel that?
Oh. Maybe the cosmos haven't shifted at all. Maybe I've actually been slammed in the back of the head by a slipper-turned-missile, launched by my seven year old daughter in an attempt to render her 13 year old brother unconscious.
Well, whatever......wish me Luck (with a capital 'L')
3.09.2008
10 Feet!!! Not 10 inches
This is the post where I lie about everything. Please see ‘truth’ in square parentheses.
Today is December 24, 2008 [March 9, 2008]. I know I speak for all of Mankind [me] when I say we [I] couldn't be more thankful [pissed off] for the beautiful dusting [dumping] of snow we received over the last few days, leading up to Christmas Day [It is March. Not Christmas, but Easter, actually]. There is nothing like a couple inches [10 Feet] of sparkly, white snow [icy, slushy, salty, heavy CRAP] to get you in the Christmas spirit [again, NOT Christmas, but EASTER].
Today, I laced up my running shoes, and energetically bounded out my front door [slid and slipped down my front path, able to stop only from the force created by my collision with the tree at the end of said path]. I took a deep breath, filled my lungs with the crisp, fresh winter air [diesel/gas/other noxious fumes fill the air today as everyone with a snow blower or a plow attached to the front of their pick up truck has taken to the streets to dig their neighbour out from under the 10 feet of snow that has fallen within the last 24 hours], and fired up my iPod [my iPod is frozen solid after being exposed to the air for approximately 35 seconds].
It’s a gorgeous day [harrumph], perfect for a quick 5 miles - I barely notice the time has passed before I’m back in my own driveway, having returned from one of the most enjoyable winter runs I have had to date. [I have not left my driveway. I have become lodged in a snowbank on my way to the road and have been further buried by an unsuspecting snowplough, clearing the streets. Don’t worry about me though – leave me here. Just let me know when winter is over.]
Today is December 24, 2008 [March 9, 2008]. I know I speak for all of Mankind [me] when I say we [I] couldn't be more thankful [pissed off] for the beautiful dusting [dumping] of snow we received over the last few days, leading up to Christmas Day [It is March. Not Christmas, but Easter, actually]. There is nothing like a couple inches [10 Feet] of sparkly, white snow [icy, slushy, salty, heavy CRAP] to get you in the Christmas spirit [again, NOT Christmas, but EASTER].
Today, I laced up my running shoes, and energetically bounded out my front door [slid and slipped down my front path, able to stop only from the force created by my collision with the tree at the end of said path]. I took a deep breath, filled my lungs with the crisp, fresh winter air [diesel/gas/other noxious fumes fill the air today as everyone with a snow blower or a plow attached to the front of their pick up truck has taken to the streets to dig their neighbour out from under the 10 feet of snow that has fallen within the last 24 hours], and fired up my iPod [my iPod is frozen solid after being exposed to the air for approximately 35 seconds].
It’s a gorgeous day [harrumph], perfect for a quick 5 miles - I barely notice the time has passed before I’m back in my own driveway, having returned from one of the most enjoyable winter runs I have had to date. [I have not left my driveway. I have become lodged in a snowbank on my way to the road and have been further buried by an unsuspecting snowplough, clearing the streets. Don’t worry about me though – leave me here. Just let me know when winter is over.]
2.10.2008
Interview with My Dad.
You’ve been waiting for this!! Turn the phone off, put all your calls through to your voicemail, because the time has finally arrived. It’s our one-on-one interview with Korrie (Dad), exclusive to tinnitusmarathon.blogspot.com.
So without further adieu, below is our colour-coded interview, exactly how it all went down:
Michelle: Hi, Dad.
Dad: Hey Michelle.
Michelle: You good? Want a drink or something?
Dad: Nah, I’m good….
Michelle: Right then…Mom! Could you bring Dad a beer?
Dad: No - I’m good! Carol, no beer, thanks!
Mom: [doesn’t budge from her place on the couch, where she is reading her book…]
Michelle: Okay, let’s start then. Ready?
Dad: Let’s roll…
Michelle: Kay…do you remember the first symptoms of Tinnitus that you noticed?
Dad: Late 1992 I had an ear infection which produced "T" for the first time. Sounded like the buzzing of 10,000 Bees in my head! It slowly faded after about 2 months. What a relief! Late in 1995 had another ear infection; bees came back and have never left since!
Michelle: What made you think, or when did you realize something was wrong & this wasn’t going to go away?
Dad: After the second ear infection, there was no fading of "T" at all. Countless nights were spent trying to sleep but all I could do was flop around in bed like a "fish out of water”. My gut feeling told me I was in deep trouble. Going to work was a nightmare; it was probably a human "safety hazard" there. Work was a noisy atmosphere requiring hearing protection. The ear protection trapped "T" even more in my head. Then I’d try to sleep after work and just flop in bed again. No sleep, terrible noise in my head at work......no sleep, terrible noise in my head at work. It was a vicious cycle that just repeated itself over and over. Despair really setting in by now.
Michelle: What were your thoughts then?
Dad: Short answer - thought I was going insane. Maybe I was, at first.
Michelle: Do you remember your first visit to your doctor about it? What suggestions were offered? Was she sympathetic or helpful?
Dad: First visits to Doctor were a complete waste of time. They could "see nothing" in the ear they could fix and so they’d tell you to "learn to live with it." Which is fine, but they offered no suggestions on coping. You are on your own, adding to feelings of deeper despair.
Mom: [looks up from her book, like she’s just thought of something] Hey!! Do you guys want something to drink??
Dad: Yeah, maybe I’ll have a beer?
Mom: [brings beer] Why didn’t you guys SAY something? Michelle, don’t you want something?
Michelle: No thanks - I’m trying to work here. Dad, how did you find out about TRT (Tinnitus Retraining Therapy)? What relief did it offer for you?
Dad: I had joined a "T" support group and learned about it there. Offered no relief whatsoever. Despair continued!
Michelle: Would you talk about the brain surgery you underwent in 1997?
Dad: There is a long medical name for the surgery but basically it was a neurological procedure that found two microscopic blood vessels were impinging on an auditory nerve. Two microscopic Teflon pads were placed between the blood vessels and the nerve. It was supposed to "cushion" the nerve. The surgery was performed in Toronto in '97 and was not successful -"T" was still there. It did however have a very negative result. Speech discrimination in my right ear is almost totally gone. Meaning simply, words I hear with that ear are scrambled. A simple sentence sounds like a foreign language is one way to put it.
I was the second person in Canada, I believe, to have this procedure. It's no longer done. I wonder why?
Michelle: Hey!! Meant to thank you guys for the running skirt!! It’s the cat’s A$$!!
Mom: Mi-chelle!!
Dad: You’re welcome, but why do you have to swear so much?
Michelle: Ummm…Sorry? [Uncomfortable silence, while my father stares me down] Aaaaanyways…Can you tell about some of the things you used to love to do, that you don’t do anymore because of Tinnitus?
Dad: That's an easy one. Always enjoyed cars - fixing them, showing them but most of all "drag racing" them. Did a lot of traveling to shows and races here and in the U.S. Met a lot of nice people along the way. Why do I not do this anymore? "T" impacts concentration and focus. Neither of which I have much of anymore. Tried a couple of times to "rekindle" passion for cars but it's not there anymore. Also, going to "drag races" is out of the question. It can be noisy to say the least. It was always an adrenaline rush to race. I miss it.
Miss my family and friends too! It's so hard trying to carry on conversation when more than one person is in the room talking. So, I avoid going to most gatherings. Sad huh?
Miss being a productive member of society too. Always took pride in my work. Man, the things I miss would be an endless list!
Michelle: You always had the best cars in town. Can you list some of them?
Dad: Sure, here's a few:
'65 Chevelle SS
'65 & '67 Impala SS
'67 Camaro RS/SS convertible (black with black interior and white top. (Super nice car)
'69 GTO.....do you remember "driving" that?
Michelle: Oh, yeah, for sure. I was like, six? Sitting on your lap!
Dad: Also there was the '79 Li'l Red Express Truck… A few others in between but my favorites were the Buicks I had:
'70 GS that was "built" for speed! Was a blast to drive and race.
'70 Skylark (GS clone) that I ''framed off." Was "better than new."
'87 Buick Grand National that was scary fast too. You never lost a race did you??
Michelle: Me? Ha!! Man, no way!!
uhhh.....I mean……I never raced that car! I drove it to school and back home, like I was told!
Dad: Had a few other Buicks but those were my favorites. Which one would I like to have back?
The three Buicks I mentioned. They all defined "Going Fast With Class"
Michelle: I totally agree. The Buicks were my faves too….Could you describe a typical day for you, starting from when you wake up in the morning?
Dad: That's a hard one. Briefly, I get up early; avoid any noisy atmosphere, (meaning I am in my home almost all of the time). This is where I am "in control" of what happens to me. Spend a bit of time on computer but mostly I just wish it was night time again so I could sleep for a bit. That is my only escape, sleep. Long days, short nights, I wonder myself, how do I do it?
Michelle: Me too; I wonder that too. Do you EVER experience relief?
Dad: Answer to that is again, only when I sleep. No relief ever during waking hours. "T" never goes down, will go up at times though. Those days are a killer when that happens.
Michelle: What brings you joy now?
Dad: Knowing my "kid" and "grandkids" are doing well in life. Don't see them as much as I thought I would but that does not stop me from knowing how they are doing and what they are accomplishing. They are my "Joy in Life" and always will be.
Michelle: That’s really nice. I was a pretty good kid eh? Good teenager?
Dad: Yeah you were a pretty darn good kid, except for knocking down snow banks after I finished shoveling the driveway! You reminded me of that just the other day when your kids were playing in my snowbanks and I didn't give them trouble!! I have a lot of good memories of you being a kid. Was a magical time that went by in an instant, seems like.
Good teenager? Must have been, I let you drive my cars! Think you must have thrown some good parties too, just wish we had been home when you did. Bet you do too, huh?
Michelle: I have no idea what you're talking about? Parties?? Seriously, I don't know what you mean. What is your biggest frustration, today?
Dad: Another easy one, trying hard to concentrate on answering these questions. The more I try, the harder it becomes. Frustrating at its "best."
Michelle: What does it sound like?
Dad: Like 10,000 bees buzzing inside my head. It's a real "falsetto" type of buzz too! No "low drone" for those li'l buggers!
Michelle: Okay, last question. Who is your favorite offspring? I’ve always wanted to ask you that?
Dad: What this?? A trick question? Well, let me see…seeing as you’re an ONLY CHILD, I guess the answer to that is a no-brainer.
Michelle: [laughing] I know, I was just kidding. Mom! Did you hear that? Mom? Are you still reading?
Mom: [Silence and stillness. This woman is engrossed in whatever she is reading!]
Michelle: [Makes mental note to check Mom’s pulse when this interview wraps up] Okay then. [Leans into Dad, whispering] Who do you like better between me and Mom?
Dad: [Gets up and walks into another room, shaking his head] Oh, Michelle….this ‘interview’ has ended.
**Okay, I’ll admit that some of these answers may have been edited or enhanced (perhaps even totally fabricated) for ease of reading. Or, for my own amusement. But not the Tinnitus stuff. Those words are all original and untouched.
So without further adieu, below is our colour-coded interview, exactly how it all went down:
Michelle: Hi, Dad.
Dad: Hey Michelle.
Michelle: You good? Want a drink or something?
Dad: Nah, I’m good….
Michelle: Right then…Mom! Could you bring Dad a beer?
Dad: No - I’m good! Carol, no beer, thanks!
Mom: [doesn’t budge from her place on the couch, where she is reading her book…]
Michelle: Okay, let’s start then. Ready?
Dad: Let’s roll…
Michelle: Kay…do you remember the first symptoms of Tinnitus that you noticed?
Dad: Late 1992 I had an ear infection which produced "T" for the first time. Sounded like the buzzing of 10,000 Bees in my head! It slowly faded after about 2 months. What a relief! Late in 1995 had another ear infection; bees came back and have never left since!
Michelle: What made you think, or when did you realize something was wrong & this wasn’t going to go away?
Dad: After the second ear infection, there was no fading of "T" at all. Countless nights were spent trying to sleep but all I could do was flop around in bed like a "fish out of water”. My gut feeling told me I was in deep trouble. Going to work was a nightmare; it was probably a human "safety hazard" there. Work was a noisy atmosphere requiring hearing protection. The ear protection trapped "T" even more in my head. Then I’d try to sleep after work and just flop in bed again. No sleep, terrible noise in my head at work......no sleep, terrible noise in my head at work. It was a vicious cycle that just repeated itself over and over. Despair really setting in by now.
Michelle: What were your thoughts then?
Dad: Short answer - thought I was going insane. Maybe I was, at first.
Michelle: Do you remember your first visit to your doctor about it? What suggestions were offered? Was she sympathetic or helpful?
Dad: First visits to Doctor were a complete waste of time. They could "see nothing" in the ear they could fix and so they’d tell you to "learn to live with it." Which is fine, but they offered no suggestions on coping. You are on your own, adding to feelings of deeper despair.
Mom: [looks up from her book, like she’s just thought of something] Hey!! Do you guys want something to drink??
Dad: Yeah, maybe I’ll have a beer?
Mom: [brings beer] Why didn’t you guys SAY something? Michelle, don’t you want something?
Michelle: No thanks - I’m trying to work here. Dad, how did you find out about TRT (Tinnitus Retraining Therapy)? What relief did it offer for you?
Dad: I had joined a "T" support group and learned about it there. Offered no relief whatsoever. Despair continued!
Michelle: Would you talk about the brain surgery you underwent in 1997?
Dad: There is a long medical name for the surgery but basically it was a neurological procedure that found two microscopic blood vessels were impinging on an auditory nerve. Two microscopic Teflon pads were placed between the blood vessels and the nerve. It was supposed to "cushion" the nerve. The surgery was performed in Toronto in '97 and was not successful -"T" was still there. It did however have a very negative result. Speech discrimination in my right ear is almost totally gone. Meaning simply, words I hear with that ear are scrambled. A simple sentence sounds like a foreign language is one way to put it.
I was the second person in Canada, I believe, to have this procedure. It's no longer done. I wonder why?
Michelle: Hey!! Meant to thank you guys for the running skirt!! It’s the cat’s A$$!!
Mom: Mi-chelle!!
Dad: You’re welcome, but why do you have to swear so much?
Michelle: Ummm…Sorry? [Uncomfortable silence, while my father stares me down] Aaaaanyways…Can you tell about some of the things you used to love to do, that you don’t do anymore because of Tinnitus?
Dad: That's an easy one. Always enjoyed cars - fixing them, showing them but most of all "drag racing" them. Did a lot of traveling to shows and races here and in the U.S. Met a lot of nice people along the way. Why do I not do this anymore? "T" impacts concentration and focus. Neither of which I have much of anymore. Tried a couple of times to "rekindle" passion for cars but it's not there anymore. Also, going to "drag races" is out of the question. It can be noisy to say the least. It was always an adrenaline rush to race. I miss it.
Miss my family and friends too! It's so hard trying to carry on conversation when more than one person is in the room talking. So, I avoid going to most gatherings. Sad huh?
Miss being a productive member of society too. Always took pride in my work. Man, the things I miss would be an endless list!
Michelle: You always had the best cars in town. Can you list some of them?
Dad: Sure, here's a few:
'65 Chevelle SS
'65 & '67 Impala SS
'67 Camaro RS/SS convertible (black with black interior and white top. (Super nice car)
'69 GTO.....do you remember "driving" that?
Michelle: Oh, yeah, for sure. I was like, six? Sitting on your lap!
Dad: Also there was the '79 Li'l Red Express Truck… A few others in between but my favorites were the Buicks I had:
'70 GS that was "built" for speed! Was a blast to drive and race.
'70 Skylark (GS clone) that I ''framed off." Was "better than new."
'87 Buick Grand National that was scary fast too. You never lost a race did you??
Michelle: Me? Ha!! Man, no way!!
uhhh.....I mean……I never raced that car! I drove it to school and back home, like I was told!
Dad: Had a few other Buicks but those were my favorites. Which one would I like to have back?
The three Buicks I mentioned. They all defined "Going Fast With Class"
Michelle: I totally agree. The Buicks were my faves too….Could you describe a typical day for you, starting from when you wake up in the morning?
Dad: That's a hard one. Briefly, I get up early; avoid any noisy atmosphere, (meaning I am in my home almost all of the time). This is where I am "in control" of what happens to me. Spend a bit of time on computer but mostly I just wish it was night time again so I could sleep for a bit. That is my only escape, sleep. Long days, short nights, I wonder myself, how do I do it?
Michelle: Me too; I wonder that too. Do you EVER experience relief?
Dad: Answer to that is again, only when I sleep. No relief ever during waking hours. "T" never goes down, will go up at times though. Those days are a killer when that happens.
Michelle: What brings you joy now?
Dad: Knowing my "kid" and "grandkids" are doing well in life. Don't see them as much as I thought I would but that does not stop me from knowing how they are doing and what they are accomplishing. They are my "Joy in Life" and always will be.
Michelle: That’s really nice. I was a pretty good kid eh? Good teenager?
Dad: Yeah you were a pretty darn good kid, except for knocking down snow banks after I finished shoveling the driveway! You reminded me of that just the other day when your kids were playing in my snowbanks and I didn't give them trouble!! I have a lot of good memories of you being a kid. Was a magical time that went by in an instant, seems like.
Good teenager? Must have been, I let you drive my cars! Think you must have thrown some good parties too, just wish we had been home when you did. Bet you do too, huh?
Michelle: I have no idea what you're talking about? Parties?? Seriously, I don't know what you mean. What is your biggest frustration, today?
Dad: Another easy one, trying hard to concentrate on answering these questions. The more I try, the harder it becomes. Frustrating at its "best."
Michelle: What does it sound like?
Dad: Like 10,000 bees buzzing inside my head. It's a real "falsetto" type of buzz too! No "low drone" for those li'l buggers!
Michelle: Okay, last question. Who is your favorite offspring? I’ve always wanted to ask you that?
Dad: What this?? A trick question? Well, let me see…seeing as you’re an ONLY CHILD, I guess the answer to that is a no-brainer.
Michelle: [laughing] I know, I was just kidding. Mom! Did you hear that? Mom? Are you still reading?
Mom: [Silence and stillness. This woman is engrossed in whatever she is reading!]
Michelle: [Makes mental note to check Mom’s pulse when this interview wraps up] Okay then. [Leans into Dad, whispering] Who do you like better between me and Mom?
Dad: [Gets up and walks into another room, shaking his head] Oh, Michelle….this ‘interview’ has ended.
**Okay, I’ll admit that some of these answers may have been edited or enhanced (perhaps even totally fabricated) for ease of reading. Or, for my own amusement. But not the Tinnitus stuff. Those words are all original and untouched.
2.05.2008
winter confessional
I've decided to place a post here, in lieu of the Interview with my Dad. We're ironing out some kinks in his contract. He's just reading the small print, I guess.
I have a small confession to make and it has to do with snow.
It's no secret here that I'm not friends with the snow. It makes things cold. It makes things messy. It makes me miserable. We just don't get along.
In November, when we had our first snowfall, I naively shrugged my shoulders and took my runs inside onto the treadmills for a bit. 'It's fine', I thought. 'I'll just scurry along here on this treadmill - like a hamster in a wheel - for a couple of months, and before I know it the snow will melt, and I'll take this activity back outdoors where it belongs!'
Oh, sweet, sweet, stupid girl!
Fast forward about 48 hours to my first long run, which was approximately 6 miles at that time. I prepared myself with some new tunes on my iPod, and sashayed into that gym like I owned the place (I was about to run 6 straight miles, after all).
The first three miles were fabulous. I felt strong, pace was good, music was great. But then my ADD kicked in, and the last three miles of that run was pure H.E.Doublehockeysticks!! I tried every trick in the book to keep my brain occupied - I tried to watch The Surreal Life on the tv in front of me, I checked my form in the mirrors in front of me, I switched up the songs on my iPod, I tried to peek at the girl's stats on the treadmill beside me. When I finished that run, I vowed to myself never to put myself through a treadmill workout any longer than 5 miles ever again.
The following week's long run was taken outdoors, where I was met with unploughed sidwalks, caked in slushy snow. I ran 7 miles in this slop and by the end, I was sure my legs were going to unhinge themselves from my hips and just lay there in the snowbank in front of my house. I was positive that my running career had been cut short, because how can you run when you're only a torso? Only one thing was good about this run - I wasn't bored to tears.
And so I continued, each Sunday since mid-November to plod along outside, regardless of the weather conditions. Amazingly, the reflexive profanity that I had grown accustomed to hearing coming from my mouth was gradually waning.
Just this past Sunday, I ran my furthest distance yet (12.5 miles) during a light snow fall. I can't quite describe the feeling to you, of running down the road, the snowflakes floating down towards you, landing all around you. But it seems like they're not landing on you. They're just there to make everything pretty. And it's so pretty!!
When you look at the road ahead you are surprised to realize that as it moves beneath you it is moving on its own. You don't feel any sense of exertion or stress. Your body has fallen into its own rhythm and you no longer have to concentrate on your pace, form, heartrate, breathing. This now feels like your body's natural movement and everything is taking place on its own, organically.
You meet other runners who wave and give you the 'thumbs up' and you understand immediately what they're saying - 'This is Awesome!'. You wave back in agreement.
Your favorite tunes are providing the soundtrack for this amazing experience, but if you take a second and pop your headphones off, you are immediately captivated by the early morning silence. You can hear the wind in the trees, the water rushing along in the river next to you. You can actually hear the snow hitting the pavement.
And then suddenly, before you realize what has happened your senses are overtaken by the acrid smell of diesel fuel. There is no time to react before you are nearly blown sideways into the ditch by the force of an 18-wheeler rushing past you at a buck-twenty, saturating you with wet, salty, slush spraying from it's tires.
I love winter.
I have a small confession to make and it has to do with snow.
It's no secret here that I'm not friends with the snow. It makes things cold. It makes things messy. It makes me miserable. We just don't get along.
In November, when we had our first snowfall, I naively shrugged my shoulders and took my runs inside onto the treadmills for a bit. 'It's fine', I thought. 'I'll just scurry along here on this treadmill - like a hamster in a wheel - for a couple of months, and before I know it the snow will melt, and I'll take this activity back outdoors where it belongs!'
Oh, sweet, sweet, stupid girl!
Fast forward about 48 hours to my first long run, which was approximately 6 miles at that time. I prepared myself with some new tunes on my iPod, and sashayed into that gym like I owned the place (I was about to run 6 straight miles, after all).
The first three miles were fabulous. I felt strong, pace was good, music was great. But then my ADD kicked in, and the last three miles of that run was pure H.E.Doublehockeysticks!! I tried every trick in the book to keep my brain occupied - I tried to watch The Surreal Life on the tv in front of me, I checked my form in the mirrors in front of me, I switched up the songs on my iPod, I tried to peek at the girl's stats on the treadmill beside me. When I finished that run, I vowed to myself never to put myself through a treadmill workout any longer than 5 miles ever again.
The following week's long run was taken outdoors, where I was met with unploughed sidwalks, caked in slushy snow. I ran 7 miles in this slop and by the end, I was sure my legs were going to unhinge themselves from my hips and just lay there in the snowbank in front of my house. I was positive that my running career had been cut short, because how can you run when you're only a torso? Only one thing was good about this run - I wasn't bored to tears.
And so I continued, each Sunday since mid-November to plod along outside, regardless of the weather conditions. Amazingly, the reflexive profanity that I had grown accustomed to hearing coming from my mouth was gradually waning.
Just this past Sunday, I ran my furthest distance yet (12.5 miles) during a light snow fall. I can't quite describe the feeling to you, of running down the road, the snowflakes floating down towards you, landing all around you. But it seems like they're not landing on you. They're just there to make everything pretty. And it's so pretty!!
When you look at the road ahead you are surprised to realize that as it moves beneath you it is moving on its own. You don't feel any sense of exertion or stress. Your body has fallen into its own rhythm and you no longer have to concentrate on your pace, form, heartrate, breathing. This now feels like your body's natural movement and everything is taking place on its own, organically.
You meet other runners who wave and give you the 'thumbs up' and you understand immediately what they're saying - 'This is Awesome!'. You wave back in agreement.
Your favorite tunes are providing the soundtrack for this amazing experience, but if you take a second and pop your headphones off, you are immediately captivated by the early morning silence. You can hear the wind in the trees, the water rushing along in the river next to you. You can actually hear the snow hitting the pavement.
And then suddenly, before you realize what has happened your senses are overtaken by the acrid smell of diesel fuel. There is no time to react before you are nearly blown sideways into the ditch by the force of an 18-wheeler rushing past you at a buck-twenty, saturating you with wet, salty, slush spraying from it's tires.
I love winter.
1.28.2008
Ack!!
People:
I have not forgotten about this project.
Rest assured, I am still running, and still thinking of this blog.
Not to make excuses or anything, but it's just been so busy. And so snowy. Not that the weather has any impact on the frequency of my postings. But seriously, what good is winter if you can't use the misery that comes with it as justification for your temporary lack of ambition to do ANYTHING.
Say it with me....WINTER SUCKS!!
However..........
We have exciting plans for updates here in the near future. I'm not sure if Dad is aware, but he has signed an exclusive deal to be interviewed for this blog by ME. Oh, it's gonna be good. Not only will you get an insider's take on what makes this man tick, you'll also witness, first-hand the hilarity and hi jinx that can only happen when he is present. But what I really think you'll take from the 'interview' is what it is like for someone who suffers from Tinnitus. I hope he'll shed some light on how life has changed for him. And we're going to talk about some of the things he's tried in the past to cope and deal with this nightmare.
So, keep checking back. Hope to have this one wrapped up by the end of the week.
I have not forgotten about this project.
Rest assured, I am still running, and still thinking of this blog.
Not to make excuses or anything, but it's just been so busy. And so snowy. Not that the weather has any impact on the frequency of my postings. But seriously, what good is winter if you can't use the misery that comes with it as justification for your temporary lack of ambition to do ANYTHING.
Say it with me....WINTER SUCKS!!
However..........
We have exciting plans for updates here in the near future. I'm not sure if Dad is aware, but he has signed an exclusive deal to be interviewed for this blog by ME. Oh, it's gonna be good. Not only will you get an insider's take on what makes this man tick, you'll also witness, first-hand the hilarity and hi jinx that can only happen when he is present. But what I really think you'll take from the 'interview' is what it is like for someone who suffers from Tinnitus. I hope he'll shed some light on how life has changed for him. And we're going to talk about some of the things he's tried in the past to cope and deal with this nightmare.
So, keep checking back. Hope to have this one wrapped up by the end of the week.
1.12.2008
spring 'want list'...2nd installment
*shamlessly...I mean, strategically-placed subliminal message: Any fathers who may occasionally post here, and who may be stumped for birthday gift ideas this year for their daughters, who may also post here, please scroll back to the top of the post and re-read. Seek mom’s advice about sizes…………….*
Hmmm, woke up this morning feeling like I was in the "Twilight Zone" which is pretty much my normal state. Yet this morning the "Zone" seemed to be sending me subliminal messages of some kind! What could it be? Did I win the Super 7? Nope to that one (wait till next week). Message keep saying something about money though. Little did I know it was telling it was my money it was referring too!
So, seeking advice I came here and lo and behold, "lookie what I found". Never knew what hit me!
I need more coffee, some more time to digest this message and wait for "size advice." Dads who may post here no nothing about "sizes" for daughters who may post here!
"That’s right, kids. You heard me right - butt-lifting, butt-enhancing compression shorts. [we can pause here for a sec, while you digest that delicious piece of information I just fed you]"
"Oh, my eyes!" Think I will head back to the "Twilight Zone" now!
Hmmm, woke up this morning feeling like I was in the "Twilight Zone" which is pretty much my normal state. Yet this morning the "Zone" seemed to be sending me subliminal messages of some kind! What could it be? Did I win the Super 7? Nope to that one (wait till next week). Message keep saying something about money though. Little did I know it was telling it was my money it was referring too!
So, seeking advice I came here and lo and behold, "lookie what I found". Never knew what hit me!
I need more coffee, some more time to digest this message and wait for "size advice." Dads who may post here no nothing about "sizes" for daughters who may post here!
"That’s right, kids. You heard me right - butt-lifting, butt-enhancing compression shorts. [we can pause here for a sec, while you digest that delicious piece of information I just fed you]"
"Oh, my eyes!" Think I will head back to the "Twilight Zone" now!
spring 'want list'...1st installment
I gotta have this.
Oh, yah, I can see you rolling your eyes. And I can practically hear what you’re saying.
You’re all…’This is a skirt. Why do you need a skirt? And why do you feel the need to blog about it - in January, no less?’
Well, calm down for a second and let me talk! God…
This, dear reader, is not your ordinary skirt. What you see here is a running skirt from http://www.skirtsports.com/. This is the Gym Girl, with two pockets. And what you don’t see here, is that underneath this ‘lightweight, luxurious SpeedSilk fabric’, which ’gently flows across your thighs’ is a pair of built in compression shorts.
That’s right, kids. You heard me right - butt-lifting, butt-enhancing compression shorts. [we can pause here for a sec, while you digest that delicious piece of information I just fed you]
I know! So cool!
Oh. Did I mention the pockets? To hold your stuff - your iPod, cell phone, lip stuff, money for beer stops...er, I mean water stops on your long runs. Whatever. We all have our own 'needs'.
Like, it’s not enough that these things are so cute, but they’re totally functional too!
And...the best part? I have found a retailer near me.
Spring can’t come fast enough now.
*shamlessly...I mean, strategically-placed subliminal message: Any fathers who may occasionally post here, and who may be stumped for birthday gift ideas this year for their daughters, who may also post here, please scroll back to the top of the post and re-read. Seek mom’s advice about sizes…………….*
1.07.2008
celebrities with tinnitus
Back to reality.
Back to work after two weeks vacation.
Back to running after almost as much time off. I went for a little scoot tonight (2.5 miles) and it's painfully obvious to me that I've lost some fitness this Christmas season. Time to get serious once again.
I wanted this post to be about tinnitus. So I began to research some very basic facts about the condition, however before I present any of them here, I think it is important to note that there is alot of information on the Internet about tinnitus. Some of it is endorsed by doctors and other members of the medical profession, some of it is not. As with any other topic that you read about on the net, you have to tread carefully, and of course none of the information can be taken as gospel, unless of course you're using sources whom have proven themselves credible, such as those listed on the left here under the heading 'Tinnitus Sites'.
There are many things about tinnitus that are not known or understood, especially the causes. I will devote some time in the future to discuss all of the possible causes, but for now I'll focus on the prevalent cause - exposure to loud noise.
It is estimated that 17% of the population suffers from tinnitus. This equates to 44 million Americans and over 5 million Canadians. In addition, 5% of the general population is severely debilitated by their tinnitus. Those numbers seem pretty slim on the 'grand scale' and I suppose relatively speaking, they are.
But what I found interesting after doing a little more research is how untrue that notion really is. I sought out the names of celebrities (especially musicians) who are afflicted with tinnitus. I was surprised by the number of famous names that turned up. As you read through the list, you may be moved by the familiarity of some of the names. To me, this demonstrates just how common tinnitus is.
Neil Young - blames his tinnitus on loud music
Barbra Streisand - it is said that her volatile temperament can be attributed to tinnitus
William Shatner & Leonard Nemoy - both say they acquired tinnitus during a prop explosion on the set of Star Trek in the 60s. Shatner has been fairly vocal about his suffering and has spoken of his depression and considerations of suicide due to tinnitus.
Engelbert Humperdinck - I'm not clear on the story here, but I really like to say this guy's name
David Letterman & his sidekick Paul Shaffer - again I don't know the details...
Eric Clapton - loud amplifiers
James Hetfield & Lars Ulrich - both members of the band Metallica.
Ted Nugent
Bono & The Edge - both from U2. Some of U2's lyrics allude to the sounds of tinnitus
Huey Lewis - this one is a little coincidental - my dad bears a striking resemblance to this man
Ozzy Osborne - I'll just leave that one alone
Phil Collins - they say he actually cut back on his performances because of his 'T'?
Peter Jennings - famous journalist and news anchor
Vincent Van Gogh - maybe that is why he cut of his ear???
Ludwig Van Beethoven - famously deaf and famous tinnitus sufferer. This great composer was driven mad by "rushing and roaring sounds" in his head.
Keanu Reeves
John Densmore - drummer for The Doors. Listen to what Ray Manzarek, from The Doors says about Densmore's future as a musician - "Tinnitus, man, you can't...You know, there's nothing you can do about it. It doesn't get better. It can only get worse--that's the hell of that thing. You'd say, 'Well, you know, when it's better, you're gonna play, man.' Well, it doesn't get better. The nature of that problem is that it can only get worse."
Jerry Stiller - Frank Costanza on Seinfeld
Sylvester Stallone
Burt Reynolds
Sting
Neve Campbell
I found there were alot more celebrities, but there names weren't as easily recognizable as some of those listed here.
Like Englebert, for instance.
Back to work after two weeks vacation.
Back to running after almost as much time off. I went for a little scoot tonight (2.5 miles) and it's painfully obvious to me that I've lost some fitness this Christmas season. Time to get serious once again.
I wanted this post to be about tinnitus. So I began to research some very basic facts about the condition, however before I present any of them here, I think it is important to note that there is alot of information on the Internet about tinnitus. Some of it is endorsed by doctors and other members of the medical profession, some of it is not. As with any other topic that you read about on the net, you have to tread carefully, and of course none of the information can be taken as gospel, unless of course you're using sources whom have proven themselves credible, such as those listed on the left here under the heading 'Tinnitus Sites'.
There are many things about tinnitus that are not known or understood, especially the causes. I will devote some time in the future to discuss all of the possible causes, but for now I'll focus on the prevalent cause - exposure to loud noise.
It is estimated that 17% of the population suffers from tinnitus. This equates to 44 million Americans and over 5 million Canadians. In addition, 5% of the general population is severely debilitated by their tinnitus. Those numbers seem pretty slim on the 'grand scale' and I suppose relatively speaking, they are.
But what I found interesting after doing a little more research is how untrue that notion really is. I sought out the names of celebrities (especially musicians) who are afflicted with tinnitus. I was surprised by the number of famous names that turned up. As you read through the list, you may be moved by the familiarity of some of the names. To me, this demonstrates just how common tinnitus is.
Neil Young - blames his tinnitus on loud music
Barbra Streisand - it is said that her volatile temperament can be attributed to tinnitus
William Shatner & Leonard Nemoy - both say they acquired tinnitus during a prop explosion on the set of Star Trek in the 60s. Shatner has been fairly vocal about his suffering and has spoken of his depression and considerations of suicide due to tinnitus.
Engelbert Humperdinck - I'm not clear on the story here, but I really like to say this guy's name
David Letterman & his sidekick Paul Shaffer - again I don't know the details...
Eric Clapton - loud amplifiers
James Hetfield & Lars Ulrich - both members of the band Metallica.
Ted Nugent
Bono & The Edge - both from U2. Some of U2's lyrics allude to the sounds of tinnitus
Huey Lewis - this one is a little coincidental - my dad bears a striking resemblance to this man
Ozzy Osborne - I'll just leave that one alone
Phil Collins - they say he actually cut back on his performances because of his 'T'?
Peter Jennings - famous journalist and news anchor
Vincent Van Gogh - maybe that is why he cut of his ear???
Ludwig Van Beethoven - famously deaf and famous tinnitus sufferer. This great composer was driven mad by "rushing and roaring sounds" in his head.
Keanu Reeves
John Densmore - drummer for The Doors. Listen to what Ray Manzarek, from The Doors says about Densmore's future as a musician - "Tinnitus, man, you can't...You know, there's nothing you can do about it. It doesn't get better. It can only get worse--that's the hell of that thing. You'd say, 'Well, you know, when it's better, you're gonna play, man.' Well, it doesn't get better. The nature of that problem is that it can only get worse."
Jerry Stiller - Frank Costanza on Seinfeld
Sylvester Stallone
Burt Reynolds
Sting
Neve Campbell
I found there were alot more celebrities, but there names weren't as easily recognizable as some of those listed here.
Like Englebert, for instance.
12.31.2007
Just Wanted....
to say "Happy New Year" to everyone. Wishing you a year filled with much Joy, Love and Happiness. Hope the New Year is a "Kind n Gentle" one to everyone.
As for Michelle and her resolutions, she sure left the door open huh? And I quote....
*I reserve the right to add to or subtract from this list as I see fit up to and including January 1, 2008*
To that, all I can say (other then "You Go Girl") is....
"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other".
Have a great day everyone! "God Bless"
As for Michelle and her resolutions, she sure left the door open huh? And I quote....
*I reserve the right to add to or subtract from this list as I see fit up to and including January 1, 2008*
To that, all I can say (other then "You Go Girl") is....
"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other".
Have a great day everyone! "God Bless"
12.26.2007
potential new year's resolutions
With Christmas now behind us, it seems that it's time to start looking forward to the new year. For many of us, that means taking inventory of our habits, lifestyles, vices, etc. It is time to consider what constructive modifications we can make to our present situation in order to shape ourselves into the kind of human being that we are satisfied to see looking back at us from the reflection in our bathroom mirrors. I have taken some time this holiday season to contemplate some changes I'd like to make in my life over the coming year.Invariably for me, each new year begins with several affirmations to make positive changes. I always plunge head first with eagerness into the assignment - or at least with half-assed good intentions. Sometimes I get swept up in the momentum that my resolutions generate. But most often - like so many New Year's Resolutions gone bad before mine - my fresh outlook on life fizzles out within weeks.
Last year, I made lots of New Year's resolutions. I had been through some pretty dramatic life changes in the year before, and set out to fix some of the issues that needed to be addressed. One such promise to myself was to become a runner. I'm still working on that, but I'm proud to say that is the one resolution in my whole life that I've ever stuck to. I'm going to make a list here of all of my New Year's Resolutions for 2008. I know the chances of living up to all of the promises that I make here are slim to none, but if I make one positive change, or alter one negative habit, then this exercise will be a success. It's important to change and grow. In my opinion, there's no easier way to grow bored with oneself then to allow one's evolution to stagnate.
So here they* are:
- Run a marathon. [duh]
- Get back to the gym, religiously.
- Quit smoking. [Don't think I don't know what you're thinking. Shut up.]
- Be a better friend.
- Spend more quality time with my kids.
- Swear more. There's not enough profanity in this world.
- Learn something new. I'd like to learn HTML or something to do with web design. [Yes, I'm serious. What...?]
- Learn more about Tinnitus.
- Make others aware of Tinnitus [duh]
- Eat my vegetables (!) and drink 8 glasses of water a day.
- Become a Bond girl. [As if this hadn't crossed your mind too.]
- Read more.
- I'm contemplating getting in touch with my spiritual side [Can you use the word 'contemplate' when discussing New Year's Resolutions?]
- Complete the viewing of the Harry Potter series.
*I reserve the right to add to or subtract from this list as I see fit up to and including January 1, 2008.
If there is anyone reading this (Hi, Dad!) good luck with your New Year's resolutions. Let me know what they are via the 'Comments' section of this post...if you are so inclined.
All the best for 2008!
12.18.2007
public service message
[This post is definitely off topic - maybe even off colour. But consider it a public service message. There are some crazy people out there, shopping right now. On your guard!!]
Dear Christmas Shopper, Standing Behind Me in the Check Out Line at the Local Department Store;
Would it be okay with you if I paid for my purchase, had it bagged and presented to me by the cashier and perhaps even received my CHANGE and RECEIPT, before you RAM your SHOPPING CART into my HIP, in an effort to get your purchase on the counter??
Like, WHAT is it that you think will happen if you don't get your stuff on this counter ASAP?
I can tell by the crazed look in your glassy eyes that if your transaction isn't completed within the next 30 seconds, something catastrophic is going to occur. I can't imagine what it will be though. Your bag of Doritos is going to EXPLODE?? Your Hanes Her Way Granny Briefs are going to unravel, leaving you with nothing but two (very large) panels of purple fabric?
Let's try this. I'll pay for my stuff, and be on my way. Then, YOU can pay for YOUR stuff.
Seasons Greetings,
Michelle
Dear Christmas Shopper, Standing Behind Me in the Check Out Line at the Local Department Store;
Would it be okay with you if I paid for my purchase, had it bagged and presented to me by the cashier and perhaps even received my CHANGE and RECEIPT, before you RAM your SHOPPING CART into my HIP, in an effort to get your purchase on the counter??
Like, WHAT is it that you think will happen if you don't get your stuff on this counter ASAP?
I can tell by the crazed look in your glassy eyes that if your transaction isn't completed within the next 30 seconds, something catastrophic is going to occur. I can't imagine what it will be though. Your bag of Doritos is going to EXPLODE?? Your Hanes Her Way Granny Briefs are going to unravel, leaving you with nothing but two (very large) panels of purple fabric?
Let's try this. I'll pay for my stuff, and be on my way. Then, YOU can pay for YOUR stuff.
Seasons Greetings,
Michelle
12.11.2007
newest member!
I was pretty excited today to see that some of our younger ‘generation’ are assembling themselves as future Tinnitus Marathon team members!!
My friends Eddie and Michelle showed me this picture of their adorable 3-month old son Ty. They took this photo of him while he was training to go jogging with his Aunt Gooty (that’s me!)
Not only does he have the cutest smile - he’s also a natural. Just look at the form on him!
My friends Eddie and Michelle showed me this picture of their adorable 3-month old son Ty. They took this photo of him while he was training to go jogging with his Aunt Gooty (that’s me!)
Not only does he have the cutest smile - he’s also a natural. Just look at the form on him!
can you hear that?
I've been reading alot of articles on the internet about Tinnitus. While I have found most to be fairly informative, I've struggled with finding ways to present the information here, on this blog. My intent isn't to fill these pages with medical facts, evidence and statistics. It wouldn't exactly be an easy read, especially if you're not familiar with the material being presented. And let's be honest - none of us (with the exception of tinnitus patients) are experts on the subject.
So, I turned to You Tube for information on tinnitus. You Tube hasn't always been my first choice for visually stimulating material, but I was interested to see what would turn up.
Here, I was surprised to have generated several results, when I typed the word 'tinnitus' into their search engine. Here, I was also appalled at some of the stupidity and ignorance of the people who posted videos and comments regarding this condition. But, there were a handful of helpful and informative videos, like the one I've posted here. I like the theme in this video, and I think the image it creates is one that most of us will relate to.
Dude with the white collar reminds me a bit of Andrew Ridgley from WHAM!. Remember him? George Michael's sidekick? He gets on my nerves a bit in this video, but I'm willing to overlook that small nuisance in the name of getting the message out there.
So, I turned to You Tube for information on tinnitus. You Tube hasn't always been my first choice for visually stimulating material, but I was interested to see what would turn up.
Here, I was surprised to have generated several results, when I typed the word 'tinnitus' into their search engine. Here, I was also appalled at some of the stupidity and ignorance of the people who posted videos and comments regarding this condition. But, there were a handful of helpful and informative videos, like the one I've posted here. I like the theme in this video, and I think the image it creates is one that most of us will relate to.
Dude with the white collar reminds me a bit of Andrew Ridgley from WHAM!. Remember him? George Michael's sidekick? He gets on my nerves a bit in this video, but I'm willing to overlook that small nuisance in the name of getting the message out there.
12.09.2007
Just Wondering
Morning everyone! Have a quick question for you all. How many of you sat down and had a nice quiet breakfast this morning? Me, I can't recall what quiet is anymore. Just a very distant memory now.
Kind of a lousy weekend here, missed my granddaughter's birthday party and will miss my grandson's Basketball game a bit later this morning. He's good too!
Why do I miss these oh so important events in the lives of my loved ones? Answer is short but not sweet. Simply put, activities of this nature bring out the worst in "T." So, am left little choice. "Defence mechanism" kicks in and tells me, "No way, you can't handle that!" And that's that! Game over!
Score..."T" 14753 give or take.
Score..Me 0
"Happy Birthday Carsyn"
"Have a great game, Connor"
"Much Love, Opa"
Kind of a lousy weekend here, missed my granddaughter's birthday party and will miss my grandson's Basketball game a bit later this morning. He's good too!
Why do I miss these oh so important events in the lives of my loved ones? Answer is short but not sweet. Simply put, activities of this nature bring out the worst in "T." So, am left little choice. "Defence mechanism" kicks in and tells me, "No way, you can't handle that!" And that's that! Game over!
Score..."T" 14753 give or take.
Score..Me 0
"Happy Birthday Carsyn"
"Have a great game, Connor"
"Much Love, Opa"
12.02.2007
sunday long run - turned short
My scheduled run today was 10 miles. I was so excited to get this one behind me; then I'd officially be into 'double digits'.
However, my propensity for procrastination took over at approximately 6.45 am when my alarm clock went off. I took one look outside at the crap on the ground... er, I mean new-fallen snow, launched my alarm clock across the room, rolled over and swiftly returned to my slumber. At 9am I was stirred from my sleep again, this time by the sound of freezing ice pellets slamming themselves against my window. It was at that time, that I made the incredibly difficult decision to NOT get out of bed to run 10 miles in the ice rain.
By 2pm the guilt was catching up to me, and so I phoned a local health club to see if I could run on their treadmill, even though I'm not a member. 'Oh, certainly!!' cried the excessively chipper voice on the other end of the phone. 'You can have a DAY pass for $10!!'
'OH!', said I, trying to mirror her enthusiasm. 'Ten dollars!! What time do you close?'
'4 o'clock', came the reply.
'Well I guess I better get my butt over there, so I can get my ten dollars worth of treadmill running in then, eh?'
Anyway, by the time I got my bag packed, drove across town, changed and found the treadmill (not before a first-class tour of the facility led by the Chipper Lady herself...you know, being a first time visitor and all. 'Look! We have El-LIP-tical Machines!! Look! There is a pool!! And you can sit in our hot tub after your run!!') it was 2.50pm. I had 10 miles to run in one hour and 10 minutes. There would be no sitting in the hot tub - unless this event could take place after 4pm with me naked, as I hadn't had the foresight to pack a bathing suit with my running wardrobe - duh.
My normal pace is about 9:00 min/mile. They say to run the Long Runs on Sunday about 1 min. - 1:30 min slower than your regular pace. I can't remember how exactly, but I did some math and realized that 10 miles was not going to happen. So I just went full on for the entire time, and ended up doing about 7.7 miles. When I got home I plugged those numbers into my favorite pace calculator and discovered I was pretty close to the suggested pace - about 0:49 seconds slower than my regular pace.
I would've stayed on a little longer to get to 8 miles, or maybe even 9, but the person that belonged to that excessively chipper voice? Yeah, she started losing her 'chipper-ness' around 3.45. With about 10 minutes to spare, she started walking by me, looking at me over her horned-rimmed glasses with one eye kinda bunched up. It was like she was saying to me, 'If you don't get off that treadmill and out of here, I'm going to take a crowbar to your kneecaps!'
I did my best to avoid eye contact with that lady and turned the treadmill off. I don't need anyone messing with my kneecaps right now.
However, my propensity for procrastination took over at approximately 6.45 am when my alarm clock went off. I took one look outside at the crap on the ground... er, I mean new-fallen snow, launched my alarm clock across the room, rolled over and swiftly returned to my slumber. At 9am I was stirred from my sleep again, this time by the sound of freezing ice pellets slamming themselves against my window. It was at that time, that I made the incredibly difficult decision to NOT get out of bed to run 10 miles in the ice rain.
By 2pm the guilt was catching up to me, and so I phoned a local health club to see if I could run on their treadmill, even though I'm not a member. 'Oh, certainly!!' cried the excessively chipper voice on the other end of the phone. 'You can have a DAY pass for $10!!'
'OH!', said I, trying to mirror her enthusiasm. 'Ten dollars!! What time do you close?'
'4 o'clock', came the reply.
'Well I guess I better get my butt over there, so I can get my ten dollars worth of treadmill running in then, eh?'
Anyway, by the time I got my bag packed, drove across town, changed and found the treadmill (not before a first-class tour of the facility led by the Chipper Lady herself...you know, being a first time visitor and all. 'Look! We have El-LIP-tical Machines!! Look! There is a pool!! And you can sit in our hot tub after your run!!') it was 2.50pm. I had 10 miles to run in one hour and 10 minutes. There would be no sitting in the hot tub - unless this event could take place after 4pm with me naked, as I hadn't had the foresight to pack a bathing suit with my running wardrobe - duh.
My normal pace is about 9:00 min/mile. They say to run the Long Runs on Sunday about 1 min. - 1:30 min slower than your regular pace. I can't remember how exactly, but I did some math and realized that 10 miles was not going to happen. So I just went full on for the entire time, and ended up doing about 7.7 miles. When I got home I plugged those numbers into my favorite pace calculator and discovered I was pretty close to the suggested pace - about 0:49 seconds slower than my regular pace.
I would've stayed on a little longer to get to 8 miles, or maybe even 9, but the person that belonged to that excessively chipper voice? Yeah, she started losing her 'chipper-ness' around 3.45. With about 10 minutes to spare, she started walking by me, looking at me over her horned-rimmed glasses with one eye kinda bunched up. It was like she was saying to me, 'If you don't get off that treadmill and out of here, I'm going to take a crowbar to your kneecaps!'
I did my best to avoid eye contact with that lady and turned the treadmill off. I don't need anyone messing with my kneecaps right now.
11.30.2007
support for those with tinnitus
When I began this project, I truly had no idea how many people I knew had been affected by tinnitus.
I have to confess; before I started writing here, I was under the impression that my dad was the only person that I knew with tinnitus. I figured that my mother, my children and I were unique in our experience of being the loved ones of someone suffering with tinnitus. I really did think that.
I also assumed that if someone were to actually read this blog, that this would be a whole new concept to them, this thing called 'tinnitus'. I figured they would be learning something new.
Not so, as it turns out.
I have to tell you that the number of messages I've received from friends saying they think they have tinnitus, or know someone with tinnitus has been startling.
One such message came from one of my closest friends. I had no idea! All these years that we've known one another, all the time we've spent together and it had never come up in conversation. I haven't spoken to him about it since I received his message. However, in the days that followed I have found myself thinking about him, and wondering about the severity of his suffering. I wonder how he copes. Knowing him as I do, he probably just puts one foot in front of the other and tries to ignore it. I know this is how my dad dealt with it for a while. By trying to pretend it wasn't there, and hoping it would just go away.
And you know as well as I do (from experience, for sure), that this tactic of ignoring the problem until it goes away works only with annoying co-workers and strange noises that your car makes - not tinnitus.
So, I'm posting some links here, because there is help. There is LOADS of information on tinnitus both on the web and in print.
As I had mentioned in a previous post, tinnitus is subjective and therefore it can be difficult to convey to people what you are dealing with. And I know it can be frustrating to try to relate this information to someone who has no understanding of what it is you are going through. There are piles of professionals to consult on this.
The Canadian Tinnitus and Hyperacusis Center offers support and information to its patients on the management of their tinnitus, their main focus being on Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT). TRT uses noise generators such as hearing aids, white noise and recordings to train the patient to 'not' hear sounds produced by their tinnitus. The center reports that 80% of the patients who have received TRT have achieved success. My dad could probably elaborate on this topic (TRT) in a later post.
The Canadian Hearing Society may also be a good place to start, if you need support or information. There is a branch, locally in Belleville. Their contact information is here.
The Tinnitus Association of Canada is a 'registered charity, operated on a voluntary basis, with the guide of scientific advisors', based out of Toronto. They are dedicated to improving the understanding and treatment of tinnitus. The Association publishes material containing invaluable information on how people have dealt with, or are dealing with their tinnitus. I have received their package in the mail and found their exchange bulletin to be both informative and enlightening. I would strongly encourage anyone interested in receiving these documents to contact the association directly. I, personally have exchanged correspondence with Elizabeth Eayrs at the Association, who is a wealth of knowledge, and was a great help to me in planning this whole project.
As you can see, there are so many resources available, whether it is just information you're after, or if you or someone you love would benefit from talking to someone about tinnitus.
Don't pretend it's not there - do some research. Learn something about what you're going through. You're definitely not alone.
I have to confess; before I started writing here, I was under the impression that my dad was the only person that I knew with tinnitus. I figured that my mother, my children and I were unique in our experience of being the loved ones of someone suffering with tinnitus. I really did think that.
I also assumed that if someone were to actually read this blog, that this would be a whole new concept to them, this thing called 'tinnitus'. I figured they would be learning something new.
Not so, as it turns out.
I have to tell you that the number of messages I've received from friends saying they think they have tinnitus, or know someone with tinnitus has been startling.
One such message came from one of my closest friends. I had no idea! All these years that we've known one another, all the time we've spent together and it had never come up in conversation. I haven't spoken to him about it since I received his message. However, in the days that followed I have found myself thinking about him, and wondering about the severity of his suffering. I wonder how he copes. Knowing him as I do, he probably just puts one foot in front of the other and tries to ignore it. I know this is how my dad dealt with it for a while. By trying to pretend it wasn't there, and hoping it would just go away.
And you know as well as I do (from experience, for sure), that this tactic of ignoring the problem until it goes away works only with annoying co-workers and strange noises that your car makes - not tinnitus.
So, I'm posting some links here, because there is help. There is LOADS of information on tinnitus both on the web and in print.
As I had mentioned in a previous post, tinnitus is subjective and therefore it can be difficult to convey to people what you are dealing with. And I know it can be frustrating to try to relate this information to someone who has no understanding of what it is you are going through. There are piles of professionals to consult on this.
The Canadian Tinnitus and Hyperacusis Center offers support and information to its patients on the management of their tinnitus, their main focus being on Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT). TRT uses noise generators such as hearing aids, white noise and recordings to train the patient to 'not' hear sounds produced by their tinnitus. The center reports that 80% of the patients who have received TRT have achieved success. My dad could probably elaborate on this topic (TRT) in a later post.
The Canadian Hearing Society may also be a good place to start, if you need support or information. There is a branch, locally in Belleville. Their contact information is here.
The Tinnitus Association of Canada is a 'registered charity, operated on a voluntary basis, with the guide of scientific advisors', based out of Toronto. They are dedicated to improving the understanding and treatment of tinnitus. The Association publishes material containing invaluable information on how people have dealt with, or are dealing with their tinnitus. I have received their package in the mail and found their exchange bulletin to be both informative and enlightening. I would strongly encourage anyone interested in receiving these documents to contact the association directly. I, personally have exchanged correspondence with Elizabeth Eayrs at the Association, who is a wealth of knowledge, and was a great help to me in planning this whole project.
As you can see, there are so many resources available, whether it is just information you're after, or if you or someone you love would benefit from talking to someone about tinnitus.
Don't pretend it's not there - do some research. Learn something about what you're going through. You're definitely not alone.
11.27.2007
Was A Long Night
Went to bed last night with my normal "truckload" of sleeping meds inside of me. Knew within 20 minutes this was going to be night of not much sleep. Meds were not kicking in. Came back down and spent a couple of hours "snagging" a bit of Doo Wop. Hands up those of you who know what Doo Wop. Wow, that many! Anyway, back to bed at 1:00 and up 2 hours later. That's it, a whopping 2 hours of sleep.Night before was almost as bad. Change in weather pattern has a definite impact on my "T." Now I be extremely tired too and that just compounds the "T." Level of activity, give it a 9.5 out of 10. Yikes!
Gonna be a long day!
Gonna be a long day!
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