support for those with tinnitus

When I began this project, I truly had no idea how many people I knew had been affected by tinnitus.

I have to confess; before I started writing here, I was under the impression that my dad was the only person that I knew with tinnitus. I figured that my mother, my children and I were unique in our experience of being the loved ones of someone suffering with tinnitus. I really did think that.

I also assumed that if someone were to actually read this blog, that this would be a whole new concept to them, this thing called 'tinnitus'. I figured they would be learning something new.

Not so, as it turns out.

I have to tell you that the number of messages I've received from friends saying they think they have tinnitus, or know someone with tinnitus has been startling.

One such message came from one of my closest friends. I had no idea! All these years that we've known one another, all the time we've spent together and it had never come up in conversation. I haven't spoken to him about it since I received his message. However, in the days that followed I have found myself thinking about him, and wondering about the severity of his suffering. I wonder how he copes. Knowing him as I do, he probably just puts one foot in front of the other and tries to ignore it. I know this is how my dad dealt with it for a while. By trying to pretend it wasn't there, and hoping it would just go away.

And you know as well as I do (from experience, for sure), that this tactic of ignoring the problem until it goes away works only with annoying co-workers and strange noises that your car makes - not tinnitus.

So, I'm posting some links here, because there is help. There is LOADS of information on tinnitus both on the web and in print.

As I had mentioned in a previous post, tinnitus is subjective and therefore it can be difficult to convey to people what you are dealing with. And I know it can be frustrating to try to relate this information to someone who has no understanding of what it is you are going through. There are piles of professionals to consult on this.

The Canadian Tinnitus and Hyperacusis Center offers support and information to its patients on the management of their tinnitus, their main focus being on Tinnitus Retraining Therapy (TRT). TRT uses noise generators such as hearing aids, white noise and recordings to train the patient to 'not' hear sounds produced by their tinnitus. The center reports that 80% of the patients who have received TRT have achieved success. My dad could probably elaborate on this topic (TRT) in a later post.

The Canadian Hearing Society may also be a good place to start, if you need support or information. There is a branch, locally in Belleville. Their contact information is here.

The Tinnitus Association of Canada is a 'registered charity, operated on a voluntary basis, with the guide of scientific advisors', based out of Toronto. They are dedicated to improving the understanding and treatment of tinnitus. The Association publishes material containing invaluable information on how people have dealt with, or are dealing with their tinnitus. I have received their package in the mail and found their exchange bulletin to be both informative and enlightening. I would strongly encourage anyone interested in receiving these documents to contact the association directly. I, personally have exchanged correspondence with Elizabeth Eayrs at the Association, who is a wealth of knowledge, and was a great help to me in planning this whole project.

As you can see, there are so many resources available, whether it is just information you're after, or if you or someone you love would benefit from talking to someone about tinnitus.

Don't pretend it's not there - do some research. Learn something about what you're going through. You're definitely not alone.

Was A Long Night

Went to bed last night with my normal "truckload" of sleeping meds inside of me. Knew within 20 minutes this was going to be night of not much sleep. Meds were not kicking in. Came back down and spent a couple of hours "snagging" a bit of Doo Wop. Hands up those of you who know what Doo Wop. Wow, that many! Anyway, back to bed at 1:00 and up 2 hours later. That's it, a whopping 2 hours of sleep.Night before was almost as bad. Change in weather pattern has a definite impact on my "T." Now I be extremely tired too and that just compounds the "T." Level of activity, give it a 9.5 out of 10. Yikes!

Gonna be a long day!

snow snow snow

ummm....it snowed.

I know you're probably more than aware of climate conditions beyond your front door. Don't get me wrong - I am too. It's just that I haven't run since Tuesday, and on Tuesday I'm pretty sure there was no snow.

Today? There is.

The sidewalks are slippery. The shoes that I own which prior to today's 'run', I would have referred to as trail shoes are now nothing more to me than a pair of skates. Skates, I tell you. Without the blades. But even without blades, these skates are still capable of gliding for several feet over a greasy surface, without any real effort from the individual wearing them. Don't ask me how I know this...

So I kept it short - about 2.5 miles. And I kept it pretty slow. Quite slow. In fact I'm not sure if what I did today would classify as 'running' insomuch as 'shuffling'. I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a store front, and it wasn't exactly pretty.

But if it's one thing I learned today, it is that caution trumps vanity if we're talking about staying vertical when running in the snow.

Bit Of An Intro

Have to admit I am a bit nervous writing this, not sure why cause I am not normally a shy guy. Just ask some of Michelle's friends. Most of you reading this will know me as Michelle's Dad. For those who don't, well, I am Michelle's Dad. ") First of all I need just to tell you how proud I have always been of Michelle. She has always and will always be my "li'l girl." What she is doing now though with her Marathon and her raising awareness of Tinnitus touches me in a way even she will never truly understand. She's quite the kid that's for sure. Take that to the bank! As Michelle has told you I suffer from Tinnitus. 12 years this past Halloween in fact. Is one date I will never forget. In future postings I will try my best to describe what life for me is like dealing with Tinnitus. For now I can tell you one thing. I now refer to myself as a "used to" person. By that I mean I used to enjoy so many things in life but Tinnitus robbed me of those. There's a saying among those of us who suffer from this nightmare which may sound a bit morbid but it's true. "The good thing about Tinnitus is, it won't kill you, the bad thing about Tinnitus is, it won't kill you." Like I said, will try my best to describe life as a "T" sufferer. Also ready to answer questions if you have any. Be back real soon. Take care everyone! Korrie

brief interlude from intended subject matter...

[following is a conversation which I overheard between my two children this evening. I find it incredibly amusing. You may not, but you're also not the one with writer's block. So, the 'setting' is this: Connor is in the living room, watching television, and Carsyn is at the dining room table, colouring.]

Connor (12 year old): Sandlot Two is coming on.

Carsyn (6 year old): Wha...? Santa Claus?

Connor: No, Sandlot Two.

Carsyn: Oh, Santa Claus Two?

Connor: No. Sand. Lot. Two.

Carsyn: Pardon?

Connor: Sand Lot Two

Carsyn: Par-din? [like, now she's pissed at HIM]

Connor: SANDLOTTWO!

Carsyn: Oh!! Sandlot Two. What about it?

Connor: siiiiiggggghhhh

dead batteries may be a blessing to your eardrums

My iPod is my one of my very favorite things.

In fact, I've flown off the handle in full-on panic-mode on more than one occasion, when I couldn't instantly locate my iPod on my way out the door. This little piece of technology currently holds 45 of my favorite songs.

Tonight (to my absolute horror) the battery in my iPod completely drained itself RIGHT in the MIDDLE of my run (and right in the middle of Machinehead by Bush). And so I had to finish the last 2 miles in silence.

Like, without music.

I'm not gonna lie - I was pissed.

But I got thinking about the noise that my headphones inject into my cranium. I wondered just how many decibels I was exposing my eardrums to on a daily basis. I try to listen to the music at a reasonable level, but I'll admit that there are times when I simply crave the sounds of Pearl Jam, and I MUST crank the volume!!

Yes, I've read the articles that suggest that it isn't really very safe to run with headphones on. But I can't help myself. It's one of the things I like best about my runs - the music.

I'm also aware that some research shows that Tinnitus might be the result of exposure to loud noise.

So, I found this article on the website for the American Tinnitus Association, which contains a chart with common sounds and their decibel levels. It doesn't mention headphones, specifically, but it definitely gives you a practical comparison.

It also occurred to me, that my 12 year old son listens to his iPod frequently. And he rocks OUT to his iPod. Honestly, it's a sight to behold! But I digress...

This article offers some sound advice and guidelines on listening times and volume levels to help protect your kids' ears if they're using earbuds or headphones.

And also, I found out that Apple offers software updates for your iPod to allow you to control the maximum volume output limit on your (or your child's) iPod. There's some interesting information on this site about 'Sound and Hearing', as well.

So, while I ask you to practice caution when using your MP3 players or iPods when you're outdoors (don't want you to get hit by a car!). And to please, please watch your volume levels and exposure to loud noises for extended periods of time, I also encourage you to get your groove on!! At a reasonable volume level, of course.

sunday post

I had 9 miles scheduled today.

Ask me how I made out with that.

My couch didn't move. I made sure of it - I held it down all day long.

I put a serious dent in the Turtles Cheesecake in my fridge.

The end.

tinnitus 101

I'm willing to bet not many know what Tinnitus is; that you've never heard of it.

The 'definition' of tinnitus, according to Dictionary.com is:

• tin·ni·tus[ti-nahy-tuhs, tin-i-tus]
  –noun Pathology.
  a ringing or similar sensation of sound in the ears.

Tinnitus is a condition that can only be described as subjective because it exists only for the person who is afflicted. And only that individual knows what the sound is like, and how it makes them feel. They can use words to describe to you and I what it sounds like, and we can try to relate, based on our knowledge of these sounds from our experience in having heard them in our daily lives. But we can't understand what these people carry around in their heads every day. Like , 24/7.

For instance, imagine the sound you get in your ears after a night at a concert, or a bar (or, in my experience, after a night of Rock N' Bowl [ooh yeah!]) - that ringing or hissing, in the space between your ears. You know, the noise you don't notice until you turn the lights out and the TV off? That noise that creeps into your skull when everything is quiet? Only when everything is quiet do you realize that it is there.

Now imagine waking up in the morning and that sound hasn't gone away. In fact it doesn't go away at all. It just lingers there. After a few hours or a few days, I would imagine you would grow pretty agitated. It's not like you can plug your ears to keep the sound out. If you plugged your ears, it would kind of be like you're keeping the sound in.

My dad has tinnitus. He has it really bad. It sucks.

It's frustrating for me on so many levels. But the personal nature of tinnitus is the most frustrating for me, I think. I can see his external pain. I can sense his frustration. I'm painfully aware of his suffering.

And, while I can sympathize with him, my lack of understanding of what he is experiencing prevents me from empathizing or identifying with him. Which kind of leaves him alone in this fight. He's spent hours trying to explain it to me, which has given me valuable insight on his experience. But let's face it - I haven't the slightest idea what it would be like to have a jet engine roaring in my brain - day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after agonizing year.

So all these years, all I could do for him was listen to him. That's the only way I could show my support - by listening. There is literally nothing else you can do. There is no action that you can take to alleviate the pain of a loved one when they are suffering with tinnitus.

That's mostly what this blog is about. Understanding tinnitus. A showing of support for my dad. Taking some sort of action. For him.

And the marathon? It will be a huge undertaking. I'd like to connect the challenges that I will face in preparing myself to run this distance to the challenges that my dad faces every single day when he gets out of bed. I imagine the run itself will be grueling, taxing and probably punishing. But I'll be thinking of my dad.

That'll get me to the finish.

moving in reverse

I'm not exactly a 'speed demon'.

In fact, if you've ever had the fortuity of witnessing me in the act of running, you'll know that me and speed? Well let's just say we've never been intimately involved. I don't know if we've ever actually been formally introduced.

No one has ever accused me of running fast.

But far? I can do far. Or, I should say I'm learning to do far.

I've always wanted to run far. I don't know why 'far' is a place I've always wanted to go. But I know that the closer I get to that place the more urgent it seems to get there.

You discover a lot about yourself when you're training your body to run distance. You learn you can do things you never dreamed you could do. You will push through pain, fatigue, temperatures so hot you think you'll melt. You will overcome thoughts of doubt, uncertainty, insecurity. You'll battle so many things, yet your biggest opponent will always be yourself. Which is cool, really. Cause the winner will always be ... you.

The biggest lesson I've learned so far from this experience, is this:

• Becoming aware of your physical abilities.
• Seeing (like really recognizing) your true potential.
• Conquering the (many) mental obstacles.

If you are able to identify victory in any of these areas - within this realm of athletic training - you will then be able to draw parallels into your own personal life. You will be able transplant the insight you've gained in realizing your physical goals into your personal development. My training has truly been a catalyst in discovering my own personal potential in all areas of my life.

I'm not saying that I'm 'there', by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm going there. Getting there, even.

a marathon? uh, yah...sure.

A few months ago, I made a decision to train to run a marathon. My goal is to be ready in May 2008 for the ING Marathon in Ottawa. Sunday, May 25, 2008 is 'race day', if anyone is keeping track. There are several personal reasons driving me toward this goal - these aren't as important to you as they are to me, and so I won't share them here. But know that they exist.

I've done a bit of (HOURS of) reading, both on and off the internet about marathons, specifically with respect to different training programs. So I've come across several organizations that use marathon training as a tool raise awareness for certain causes/charities, and to raise money. I've investigated the possibilities, and even considered signing onto these programs. Why wouldn't you? It's for a good cause. It gives your training purpose (over and above your own personal reasons). And it makes you accountable.

At some point, it occurred to me that I could use this whole experience (the 'marathon experience') to bring awareness to a cause that affects me a little more personally than the programs that are offered commercially. Plus, alot of my friends, family and co-workers have shown an interest in my progress as a runner. So I thought maybe some of you might take the time to stop here occasionally and check this thing out.

And so that's what this blog business is all about. I'll try to keep it light.