tinnitus 101

I'm willing to bet not many know what Tinnitus is; that you've never heard of it.

The 'definition' of tinnitus, according to Dictionary.com is:

• tin·ni·tus[ti-nahy-tuhs, tin-i-tus]
  –noun Pathology.
  a ringing or similar sensation of sound in the ears.

Tinnitus is a condition that can only be described as subjective because it exists only for the person who is afflicted. And only that individual knows what the sound is like, and how it makes them feel. They can use words to describe to you and I what it sounds like, and we can try to relate, based on our knowledge of these sounds from our experience in having heard them in our daily lives. But we can't understand what these people carry around in their heads every day. Like , 24/7.

For instance, imagine the sound you get in your ears after a night at a concert, or a bar (or, in my experience, after a night of Rock N' Bowl [ooh yeah!]) - that ringing or hissing, in the space between your ears. You know, the noise you don't notice until you turn the lights out and the TV off? That noise that creeps into your skull when everything is quiet? Only when everything is quiet do you realize that it is there.

Now imagine waking up in the morning and that sound hasn't gone away. In fact it doesn't go away at all. It just lingers there. After a few hours or a few days, I would imagine you would grow pretty agitated. It's not like you can plug your ears to keep the sound out. If you plugged your ears, it would kind of be like you're keeping the sound in.

My dad has tinnitus. He has it really bad. It sucks.

It's frustrating for me on so many levels. But the personal nature of tinnitus is the most frustrating for me, I think. I can see his external pain. I can sense his frustration. I'm painfully aware of his suffering.

And, while I can sympathize with him, my lack of understanding of what he is experiencing prevents me from empathizing or identifying with him. Which kind of leaves him alone in this fight. He's spent hours trying to explain it to me, which has given me valuable insight on his experience. But let's face it - I haven't the slightest idea what it would be like to have a jet engine roaring in my brain - day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after agonizing year.

So all these years, all I could do for him was listen to him. That's the only way I could show my support - by listening. There is literally nothing else you can do. There is no action that you can take to alleviate the pain of a loved one when they are suffering with tinnitus.

That's mostly what this blog is about. Understanding tinnitus. A showing of support for my dad. Taking some sort of action. For him.

And the marathon? It will be a huge undertaking. I'd like to connect the challenges that I will face in preparing myself to run this distance to the challenges that my dad faces every single day when he gets out of bed. I imagine the run itself will be grueling, taxing and probably punishing. But I'll be thinking of my dad.

That'll get me to the finish.