I am a little disappointed in how this blog turned out - I had extremely high hopes for using this blog as a tool to bring awareness to Tinnitus. I had some really grandiose plans for several hundred posts laced with the most thought-provoking, inspirational messages that you'd ever hope to find on the web.
What I have found is that it is very difficult to find information on a largely misunderstood medical condition, and then regurgitate it in such a way that it translates both interestingly and simply enough to be understood and interpreted properly by someone who has never heard of the disease.
My posts on tinnitus trailed off early in this project, but my running has not. I run the ING Marathon in Ottawa in a little less than three weeks and I can say with a certain degree of confidence that I am ready. My longest runs are behind me, and now I'm moving into the part of my training program that is going to allow me to cut back on my mileage a bit. Have I been completely committed to the training program? Probably not. I missed some runs. I skipped out on some distance periodically. I had that extra drink, occasionally. But honestly, looking back at the last six months (almost) since I decided to undertake this 'thing', this marathon thing, it really has taken on a life of its own. I didn't realize it until now, but I've made some sacrifices recently, and in doing so, I've gained so much and lost so little.
Things I've lost from my training:
- the spare tire around my midsection (Well, some of it)
- my saddle bags (see brackets, above)
- the feeling in my second toe (on both feet)
- two toe nails, and several layers of skin from my feet
- I have no medical evidence to support this one, but I'm guessing there is less cartilage in my knees today than there was six months ago.
- THE CHARGER FOR MY DAMN iPOD!!!
- my obsession for the sounds of Pearl Jam. Seriously you can only listen to Evenflow, Black and Alive so many times...
- my desire to sit in front of the television, eating bon bons and slurping iced cappuccinos. 'Can't. Sit. Still. Must. Train.'
- a curious yearning to bring each week to an end by consuming a minimum of one litre of wine (or any other spirit, really)
- any form of vanity when leaving the comfort of my home to run in a public place. There is no longer any requirement for a last minute 'check' in the mirror to make sure the hair is in place. That hair? It's secured nicely under the tightest headband I can get my hands on.
- my fear of snow/sleet/hail/cold air.
- self-doubt
- fear of failure
Things I've gained from my training:
- blisters the size of grapefruits UNDER my toes. (I'm not even joking)
- an inexplicable clicking sensation in my right hip.
- a bit more muscle tone than this body has ever seen.
- an appreciation for the work and dedication that serious athletes put into their sports.
- an understanding of the importance of setting and meeting goals (this one makes me cry a bit)
- an insatiable appetite
- an understanding of the runner's vocabulary - I know what words like negative splits, gels, intervals, and fartleks mean. (Don't ask me about the last one. Google it, if you want to know)
- I used to hear of how people became obsessed by running. That if they didn't run, they didn't feel themselves, or felt an intense pang of guilt. I now understand that obsession. I own it.
- a knowledge that after years of silently standing by, while my father calmly lived his own private hell, that he is now aware of how much I wished I could have done something for him. While this blog wasn't a total success, I know that some people learned some things, some people related, and some people empathized and sympathized. In that sense, this has been a success. The success lies in his new understanding that he's not alone, as I know he thought he was for so many years.
In closing, I want to thank those of you who wrote to me, telling me you were reading here, checking in and updating yourselves. The gratitude that I feel cannot be translated into words, but I hope you'll understand what it means to me. Thanks once again.
To wrap this whole thing up, I'll post a race report after I complete the marathon.
